A parent asks:
Kia ora,
I need some advice about supporting one of our kids in sport.
We have three children (11, 10 and 9). Our oldest is friendly and confident, but not as sporty as his younger siblings. All of our kids have enjoyed playing different sports for fun. Our family focus has always been “try hard, have fun”.
Our oldest has tried a range of team sports and shows up every week. He enjoys being part of a team, but he’s often the least capable player. As he gets older, he’s starting to notice this and it’s affecting how he feels.
We want him to stay happy and confident, and to keep enjoying sport. We’ve also wondered if individual sports might suit him better.
How can we best support him?
Our response:
It sounds like you’re already focused on what matters most – your child’s enjoyment, confidence and love of sport.
Here are a few practical ways you can support them.
What matters most
It’s not about whether your child plays a team or individual sport.
What matters is the quality of their experience. How they feel, and how they’re supported.
Young people are more likely to stay involved when they:
- feel safe to try and make mistakes
- are encouraged for effort, not results
- feel included and valued
- have fun and want to come back.
Keep options open
Support your child to try varied sports and activities.
There’s no need to specialise early.
Different environments suit different children. The key is finding the right fit, where they feel comfortable and enjoy being involved.
Build confidence and motivation
Feeling capable plays a big role in enjoyment.
You can support this by:
- focusing on what your child is doing well
- recognising effort and improvement
- celebrating small wins.
It also helps when your child:
- has a say in what they play
- feels connected to others
- believes they belong.
Look at the environment
The environment around your child makes a difference.
Consider:
- Is the focus on learning and enjoyment, not just winning?
- Does everyone get a chance to take part?
- Is the level of challenge right for them?
Children need both challenge and success to stay motivated.
Your role as a parent
A simple, helpful approach is to build a growth mindset:
- “I can’t do this yet”
- mistakes are part of learning
- effort matters more than outcomes.
This helps build confidence in sport and beyond.
The bottom line
If your child:
- enjoys being active
- feels supported
- wants to keep coming back
they’re on the right path.
Keep prioritising their enjoyment and love of sport, that’s what keeps young people involved.
What you can do next
- Talk with your child about what they enjoy.
- Keep sport fun and low pressure at home.
- Encourage them to try different activities.
- Focus your feedback on effort and improvement.
