If your young person loves sport but feels like they’re not as good as others, it can be tough – for them and for you. One parent shared how their son enjoys sport but often compares himself to his brother and teammates. So how can we help young people stay confident and keep enjoying sport, even if they’re not the star player?
Here are some tips to support their journey:
Celebrate the fun, not just the wins
Focus on what your child enjoys – being part of a team, learning new skills or just running around. Let them know that trying hard, being a good teammate and having fun matter more than scoring goals or winning games.
Try different types of sport
If team sports feel too competitive or stressful, individual sports like swimming, climbing or martial arts might be a better fit. These can help kids build confidence at their own pace and discover what motivates them – whether it’s mastering a skill, feeling strong or just moving for fun.
Focus on personal progress
It’s natural for kids to compare themselves to others, especially siblings or teammates. But try to steer the conversation toward their own progress and what they have learned, how they’ve improved and what they enjoy most. Remind them that everyone has different strengths.
Choose the right environment
A supportive coach and inclusive team culture can make a huge difference. Look for teams or clubs that value effort, improvement and belonging – not just results. When young people feel safe and encouraged, they’re more likely to thrive.
Talk about what they love
Ask your child what they enjoy most about sport. Is it the friends? The challenge? The feeling of improvement? These conversations can help you understand what drives them and guide them toward experiences that match their motivations and goals.
Support a growth mindset
Help your child see that skills develop over time. Praise their persistence and remind them that it’s okay to struggle – that’s how we grow.
Say “I love to watch you play.”
This simple but powerful phrase reminds young people that they’re valued for who they are, not how they perform – which helps to reduce pressure and build their confidence.
The most important thing? Keep sport fun and positive. When kids feel supported and valued for who they are, not just how they perform, they’re more likely to stay active and enjoy sport for life.
Learn more about Sport NZ’s Sport Pathways Framework helps to make sure everyone, no matter their level, gets a good experience in sport.
